Recap: Halloween

November 2, 2012

in blowg

8:00 PM – Ate ramen, finished a campaign in Battlefield 3. Gave candy to strangers, mostly children, but a few weirdos, who knocked on my door.

8:30 PM – Got into costume. I became Willy Wonka, because of my resemblance to Gene Wilder. Could not find my bow tie. Went without.

9:15 PM – Filled a gatorade bottle with several shots of Raspberry Smirnoff.

9:25 PM – Stood at the bus stop sipping spiked gatorade and watching every cop that drove by, trying to act casual. As casual as one can looking like Gene Wilder.

9:32 PM – The bus arrives. Give candy to a kid on the bus. Today, this is not frowned upon.

9:56 PM – Arrive at Copper Blues. Order one drink and try not to stare at the bar tenderess wearing red spandex jumpsuit with the phrase “Hot Tamales” stamped on her ass. Nate calls me a dozen times but I can’t hear him over the sound of the cover band ruining “Jesse’s Girl.” Realize that song actually can’t be ruined.

10:02 PM – Finally get fed up trying to find Nate and go outside. I close my tab first and don’t tip because the bartender was useless.

10:03 PM – Find Nate and his girlfriend and we proceed to kill a six-pack behind some bushes. This makes the girlfriend nervous. Then we head back inside and get more drinks, including one called a “Devil’s Brew” that tastes like cinnamon vodka. Take pictures with an invisible man and a few other unique costumes.

10:25 PM – Leave. At the light rail station, we met two gay zombies that closely resembled actual dead people and told them how to get to Tempe. On the light rail, I spotted Waldo.

10:32 PM – Arrived at Crescent Ballroom. Got in for free because we had costumes. Nite Jewel was playing in Dia De Los Muertos face paint. No one seemed there to listen to the music. They just wanted to be drunk and in costume. I stand at the very front of the stage (it isn’t crowded) and dance a little. I begin to feel bad I don’t know more of their music.

10:45 PM – I see Melissa and she is an ironic hipster Little Mermaid, which is hilarious. She is wearing signs that say things like “I liked the ocean before it was current.” I run into Tim, aka Mr. Rogers and Sebastian and Sam, who are Japanese warriors of some sort that I don’t remember the name of.

11:11 PM – Outside, smoking a cigarette with Hunter S. Thompson (he even gets the voice done pretty well) and there is a cute couple who are Flo and Mayhem from the car insurance commercials. I think I had this weird, insightful conversation about aging and death with Flo, who was pushing 40 but looked 25. The problem is, I don’t remember a damn thing that was said, I just remember feeling sad and looking deep into her face. Her makeup was starting to sweat off and I could see the edges of her blonde wig and I wanted to die.

11:20 PM – I don’t remember.

11:30 PM – We leave and see Nite Jewel standing out back smoking cigarettes. We yell to them that they did a good job. They raise their cigarettes weakly in solidarity. We walk two miles, stopping to piss and kick the shit out of voting signs and someone smoked a joint and we made it to a house party. We actually beat the owner of the house party there, so we had to wait outside. The neighborhood was mostly dirt yards and beat up cars as old as me.

11:45 PM – I don’t remember.

11:56 PM – For an unknown reason, someone jokingly accuses me of being a thief. I can tell this makes the owner of the house uncomfortable. I argue that the accuser has no room to talk, since he was arrested for shoplifting. This doesn’t help my case. Later, I guess out of drunken spite, I steal a lighter off a table. I plan to return it, if that matters.

12:01 AM – I don’t remember.

12:20 AM – I become incredibly tired and stare at the beer in my hand, arguing with myself if I should finish it. I have only taken three sips. I’m lying on the porch in the small backyard and decide to head inside and find a place to crash. I choose the bed. A few minutes later, people come in asking if I need a bucket or something to throw up in. I decline. I’m not gonna puke, I’m just tired.


6:40 AM – My girlfriend calls me and says “Rabbits.” I’m mad at her for this because I am incredibly hungover.

8:10 AM – I wake up, realizing I’ve slept next to the host and Sam. On the couch is Sebastian. We gather ourselves and then walk out the door. The sun is bright and still rising. We have to walk two miles to get Sam’s car. Both Sam and Sebastian are still covered in Japanese makeup and I look like Willy Wonka still. People stare. I think they think we’re half-assed Juggalos.

8:25 AM – Along the way, Sebastian throws up. I find a fallen ROMNEY sign and move it into the stream of puke.

8:35 AM – We get to the car. Eating Jack in the Box gives me the worst stomach cramps I’ve probably ever had. I text my co-worker that “I partied too hard and I am dying.” He texts back that if I don’t come into work, he’s going to have a chat with my boss.

8:36 AM – I take some Tums and a shower and go to work. My coworker tells me that he was just joking, but it got me into work. I nod. I need the money.

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