Hello Petey, can you hear me? If you can’t, you’re in trouble.

December 9, 2013

in blowg

I’m going to start writing word porn that flies in the face of all this BDSM nonsense. Missionary will be the only position. Female orgasm? What’s that? Keep your top on, honey. This is sclerotica.

I think I had a dream where the ocean was God and I spent days walking along the beach looking for some chick to talk to. Where were you? Oh, behind me this whole time. Well, we rode the roller coaster at Mission Beach and each ascension gave me a brief glimpse of the waves and I knew where I belonged.

I’m giving away free* flu shots. I spit my swine fever into a shot glass, then mix it with Everclear. Hypothetically, it should kill the virus and teach your body how to defend itself, just like a “real” flu shot!

*limit one per customer, limited time only!

I signed up for a daily writing prompts email. These never turn out. “Write a list of things that go ‘tick'” or “write about the sunset without using the word sky or sun.” Egh. Thinking of starting my own newsletter that would purposefully suck. “Write about your favorite memory that you’ve forgotten” or “write about snails. write for three hours. don’t stop. they’ll crawl in your mouth at night if you stop” or “write about small hairs on your hands that you can’t see very well.”

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